Dedicated to Victims of Domestic Violence

Living with an abusive person is not the way to live.

There is different kinds of abuse, verbal, violent, sexual, they will use any method if they know it will hurt you. They feel in control of the person they are abusing!

This I found in the book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, how to recognize it and how to respond. by Patricia Evans

One of our greatest needs is to be understood. In a verbally abusive relationship, the partner's need to understand and to understood is not met. On the other hand, her belief that her mate is rational and that understanding can be reached keeps her in the relationship.

Following is a list of the primary consequences of verbal abuse.. the partner of a verbal abuser may experience.

1. A distrust of her spontaneity.

2. A loss of enthusiasm.

3.  A prepared, on-guard state.

4. An uncertainty about how she is coming across.

5. A concern that something is wrong with her.

6. An inclination to soul-searching and reviewing incidents with the hope of determining what went wrong.

7. A loss of self-confidence.

8. A growing self-doubt.

9. An internalized "critical voice."

10. .A concern that she isn't happier and ought to be.

11. .An anxiety or fear of being crazy.

12. .A sense that time is passing and she's missing something.

13. .A desire not to be the way she is___"too sensitive," etc.

14. .A hesitancy to accept her perceptions.

15. .A reluctance to come to conclusions.

16. .A desire to escape or run away.

17. .A belief that what she does best may be what she does worst.

18. .A tendency to live in the future___"Everything will be great when/after....."

19. .A distrust of future relationships.

Verbal abusive is damaging to the spirit. It takes the joy and vitality out of life. It distorts reality because the abuser's response does not correlate with the partner's communication. The partner usually believes the abuser is being honest and straightforward with her and has some reason for what he says__If only she could figure out what it is.

Recovery

A list of affirmations which support women in thinking of themselves in stronger and more positive ways.

I can trust my own feelings and perceptions.

I am not to blame for being verbally abused.

I am not the cause of another's irritation, anger, or rage.

I deserve freedom from mental anguish.

I can say no to what I do not like or want.

I do not have to take it.

I am an important human being.

I am a worthwhile person.

I deserve to be treated with respect.

I have power over my own life.

I can use my power to take good care of myself.

I can decide for myself what is best for me.

I can make changes in my life if I want to.

I am not alone; I can ask others to help me.

I am worth working for and changing for.

I deserve to make my own life safe and happy.

I can count on my creativity and resourcefulness

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